Pernice To Me: The Series
Indie Rock “Cribs” w/ Joe Pernice
It came to me as if in a dream, but I was wide awake, coveting a mesh onion bag full of suet hanging from a bird feeder: There ought to be a show like MTV Cribs for indie musicians/actors. Maybe MTV2 could do it (if they haven’t already) and call it MTV2 Cribs. Think about it.
In a way it’s sad that it has come to this. Would that the pimped-out Hummers and drive-in sized plasma screens could lock me to my own TV the way they once could, long ago, in say, March of this year. The thirst is no less strong, but oh, satisfaction, you capricious little tart, w here do you go? Where do you go when glimpses inside Usher’s great room no longer titillate? (The centerpiece of which is a thrice larger than life marble likeness of himself (wrapped by Christo) getting, as the kids would say, “jiggy” at an awards show?) I’ll tell you where you go? You go straight into the musty crawl space of that dude from Spoon. You put in some hang time in Cat Power’s mud room, is what you do. You give a Bill Curtis-worthy examination to the carport where the Tyde parks their rental van.
For any of you producer types who are having a difficult time visualizing my idea, I took it upon myself to shoot a short pilot. And now I ask that you please sit back and enjoy the show.
“Cribs” Part II
If you liked my Indie Cribs video clip a couple weeks back, well, read on.
Somehow the clip managed to find its way to the folks at MTV, seriously, and guess what? They think absolutely no one would watch such a show. And they’ve got a point. It would be pissing away good money after bad to produce such a show. But since I own 50% of a record company (and not a TV production company), I must be true to the credo of all record companies large and small: Piss away good money after bad at all costs.
So far I think we have hemorrhaged just over twelve American dollars on mini dv tapes, but you know, if you laughed twelve dollars’ worth, or left with twelve dollars’ worth of insight, then by God, it was almost worth it.
If you’d care to watch, follow the link to Episode Two. I guess two shows does the start of a series make. Naming it “MTV2 Cribs” is absolutely out of the question. I’m told the “MTV” part and the “Cribs” part (maybe even the “2″ part) are not public property, and their owners have worked long and hard at developing their brand. That seems fair enough. The officers of Ashmont Records, Inc. have pretty much stayed out of trouble with the law since 1999 by carefully refraining from “diddling the king’s old lady,” so to speak. Sure, we’ve coveted the queen from afar, but who hasn’t? The long and short of it is, the name has got to go.
Now, I ask that you sit back and enjoy an Ashmont Records, Inc. (in conjunction with Pernicious Pictures) production of the second episode of same unnamed series.
Joe Pernice’s “Cribs / Rides”
Hey, I’ll be the first guy to admit it: For people like Jay Leno, Cameron Diaz, Vladdy Putin, me, Jay Z, and that other Brit rapper “Twenty Pence,” how you get around is just as important as where you’re going. Like, earlier in October I wouldn’t have been caught dead pulling up to the Boston Music Awards in my manager’s Subaru. It would have been like performing at that event in a rancid pair of Levis 517s that hadn’t been washed since I bought them two weeks earlier on tour at an outlet in Florida, and a once-white, now salt-and-pepper grey sweatshop free T-shirt that had been moonlighting on tour as the official Rainex application rag, and a Planters delivery person’s windbreaker with Mr. Peanut silkscreened over my wire heart. IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN! CAN YOU IMAGINE? As we speak, the bloodsuckers in the national tabloid press would be funding semester after semester of higher ed for the terrible perpetuators they lovingly call their spawn. Instead, I’m super-psyched ’cause they’re telling it like it is: I looked fucking great!
So if you want to look into my crystal garage and see what the other half drives, follow the link. But please, keep your envy to yourself. I’ve worked moderately strenuously to get where I am. It can happen to you, you know. Just have to work harder. Or don’t work so hard. Oh, and if you’re going to walk on someone, make sure they’re firm enough to get you up to where it is you think you’re going.